The Future Was Yesterday: 2013 Tesla Model S 85
I’ve been dismissive of Teslas (and the electric car in general) not because the owners are wealthy, pompous, self-aggrandizing douchebags, but because they were foolishly expensive. And I get, the electric car is the future, and I’m not going to fight it, but I’m not going to pay more than it is worth because I need to keep up with the Joneses. Quite the opposite, I am going to wait until they are used and abused and get one for cheap, like this next thing. Or I will wait until this is salvaged a few times and get it for 1/2 this price. Not sure. Find this 2013 Tesla Model S offered for $26,000 in Huntington Beach, CA via craigslist.
From the seller:
2013 Tesla Model S 85
paint color: blue
title status: clean
2013 TESLA MODEL S 85. Dark blue exterior, cream leather interior. Looks great, drives great. Get a beautiful fast comfortable spacious state-of-the-art $100,000+ luxury car for $26,000, and demand is high. Kelly Blue Book for this car with this features is $22,150 – $27,035, and this car is at the top of that range. 121,100 miles. VERY GOOD condition (per Kelly Blue Book Standards). ORIGINAL OWNER. RUNS GREAT – incredible torque/acceleration. Quiet. Smooth. Quick. Fast. Comfortable. Beautiful. SPACIOUS rear seating, hatch back, under-hatch space, and frunk. Rear seats fold forward for huge rear space. CONSUMER REPORTS HIGHEST SAFETY RATING EVER AT 99/100. FREE SUPERCHARGING passes along with this car. Otherwise, you will be surprised how nice it is to not have to go to dirty homeless-ridden gas stations any more. CHARGE IN THE CONVENIENCE OF YOUR HOME/GARAGE for 1/3 the price of rising gas prices (if you can get gas at all in our Mad Max future). 21-INCH LOW PROFILE HIGH PERFORMANCE TURBINE WHEELS for superior look, performance, and handling. RANGE IS NO PROBLEM, as there are now Tesla Superchargers everywhere which show up on the large screen. Or, charge at any EV station. BATTERY LIFE/DISTANCE remains near original – rated 300 miles per charge, and gets about 200 miles per charge in real conditions, same as when new. SMOKED GLASS PANORAMIC ROOF WITH SUN ROOF. FREE WIFI, ONLINE RADIO, AND LIVE MAPS, on giant screen. GIANT SCREEN for all controls: A/C, AM, FM, INTERNET RADIO, BLUE TOOTH PHONE, MUSIC, CALENDAR. WHEELS/TREAD AND BRAKES in good condition. MEMORY SEATS with heat. EASY MAINTENANCE (if any) – no gas, no gas fumes or smell, no oil, no radiator fluid, no transmission or transmission fluid, no fans, belts or hoses, no alternator, no spark plugs, wires, no starter motor, no drive shaft, no muffler or exhaust, no spots on the driveway or garage floor, no more annual smog checks! EASY TO DRIVE – BATTERY-CONVERTER-ELECTRIC ENGINE, period. Instant acceleration with no gears or shifting. Even a woman can drive it. Car is 8 years old/121,100 miles, so has minor wear in the interior and minor dings on exterior and rims, but overall drives and looks great. JUST WASHED for the lucky new owner, and it looks amazing (making me fall in love with it all over again and wonder if I want to keep it.) Perfect car to put your miles on, free, while keeping mileage and gas costs down on your other inferior cars. Or, a great second luxury date night/impress your friends, neighbors, co-workers car, etc. Post it on FaceBook for your loser high school classmates. Get a $100,000 state-of-the-art, fast, beautiful, spacious, luxury car for $26,000. TELSA APP for controlling, monitoring, charging, location, lock/unlock, crack sun roof, software updates, etc. BOTH FOBS. CLEAR TITLE. ORIGINAL OWNER. NO ACCIDENTS. NO SMOKING. ALL ANNUAL SERVICES. INCLUDES CHARGING CABLES AND ADAPTERS. No warranty. As is, obviously. Car was loved and cared for, so it has no insecurity or rebellion issues. Local pickup only/no shipping or delivery. CASH ONLY.
See a better way to drive into the future? email@example.com
Is car or iPad exosuit?
Also, concur, your estimation of seller’s personality profile comports with US patent 3690319A.
Ok, looked up the patent #. Now need to add that to this list of things I would like to be able to add on my resume. Current list:
1) Hot air balloon salesman
2) Swine King
3) Douche bag patent holder
Also, yellow car? MB GTS?
I’ve wanted a 911s for as long as I can remember, I have a now 3.5 year plan to get one of the more affordable 997/996 ones hopefully before they all get scooped up. I was cruising the car vids at YouTube and I saw a video of the Model C beating the crap out of one in a drag and brake test. It killed my dream a bit due to the consistency of the Model C and it’s ease in doing so. It’s moved me from my next toy will be a 911 to hmmm maybe electric will be the way to go.
I don’t believe Tesla makes a Model C — do you mean the newer Model 3? Their lineup is S3XY…iirc.
I, too, have dreamed of getting a used 996/997 for years, but I don’t care if it is beaten by a new Hydrogen fuel cell powered Civic in a drag race. Perhaps that electric car might make a nice commuter, but it won’t put a smile on your face like a 6-speed 911.
Model 3, Model C…I probably should have paid better attention learning numbers and the alphabet in grade school.
After spending the weekend changing oil in 4 of the ‘fleet’ vehicles, I too am thinking that getting rid of some of the oily bits could have a benefit.
I recently drove a VW e-Golf and it completely changed my perspective on electric cars.
I think when the time comes for a new daily commuter, I’ll at least shop electrics (and hybrids) and compare. I didn’t think I’d ever consider them before. Now I just have to find one at my preferred price range of near-free.
That post of a cheap Prius a few weeks back started me on a hunt. I’d pick one of those up for a couple grand if it didn’t need a new battery right away.
Frunk you! The low end torque is as you would expect….. rocket ship like. So great you can beat the guy next to you off the line. But then what…keep your eye peeled on the huge TV screen for a charging station. Dont ferget to get the optional super duper nuclear powered home charging setup…….or sit there and tap your fingers while the carbon based energy production generates the electricity for your very expensive personal conveyance. Yawn
Well this douchebag is just now selling his Model X because it served a purpose… Holding resale value and offering safety for my wife unlike any other car on the market. I could give _ _ _ _ that others think we owned this car to show off some privlidge we don’t actually have. We owned it because it was a solid financial decision. But now it’s out of it’s bumper to bumper warranty and the all new interior has been previewed so it’s time to go. It was in no way a “fun car”, that’s what my Renault R5 Turbo and Supercharged MR2 is for… The Tesla is just a transportation pod.
I like this but it seems like buying a Model S this old is like buying a same era Macbook. It’ll work, but you’ll have missed out on a ton of technical updates. It seems like the values of these older ones fell off a cliff when the updated autopilot system/features came out that these early ones couldn’t be updated to.
As much I love the good ol’ fashioned internal combustion engine, I am a Tesla fan. Their performance is staggering and the tech cool factory is awesome… if you like that kind of thing. That being said, I realize it’s not for everyone. If you do a lot of road tripping, then maybe, but for around town/neighboring county duty it is simply awesome.
I have three friends with a Tesla and they all love them. One of them is our go-to Tesla guy and if memory serves, he said you do not want to buy any Tesla that is 2015 or older because 2016+ is when Tesla brought the operating system/software in house. Like what was mentioned previously, that means zero updates/support.
Ok, non-Dbag owner here of a 2012 P85. if anyone has any questions about ownership of these, let me know. Other cars are an alfa sedan and hellcat. The cool thing about these older ones (among other things) is they are pretty much fully depreciated and won’t go lower as the powertrain/battery can be sold to EV conversion people for 20k.
Curious about how the support has been with an older/pre-2015 model Tesla? Props in the Hellcat too. I have a Charger HC and love it.