Cyclo-Killer: 1982 Subaru BRAT:

by Matt — Forget
for a second all of the obvious reasons to want a BRAT; the jump seats,
the stickers, the 5-speed 4×4 goodness. The real reason to have this
Roadkill trucky-type- car-like thing is the dash-knob- activated Cyclops
light that flings itself out from behind the Subaru constellation like a
disproportionately sized shooting star. In the unlikely event that you
are presented with the opportunity to pass, the user simply activates
the center lamp which in-turn causes the offending driver to either move
right or wildly gesticulate and brake check you through the back glass
of his diesel Escort. Find this one rust free, just out of 20 years of
indoor storage, and with all the goodies in Charleston, South Carolina
for the otherworldly sum of $2,500 via the side of the road.

The seller’s phone number is 843-722-3551, but please for the love of all things, don’t call him/her in the middle of the night and if you are reading this in the year 2022, just go get a dang self driving googapple cube and leave this guy alone.

Developed
to avoid the Chicken Tax on imported commercial vehicles, the BRAT was a
hacked up GL wagon with two small jump seats o’ death affixed to the
bed. The extra couple of chairs turned that federally scrutinized cargo
area into a passenger compartment, adding yet another vehicle to the
cars-mom-won’t- let-you-ride-in list. Unlike most of the nightmare BRAT
projects across the South, this Brumby appears completely rust free,
even in the bed, underside floors, and inner fenders. Unfortunately, the
optional bull bar is not included in this particular example, probably
for fear of blocking the magnificent Cyclops.

No
doubt with that amount of sitting around, any prospective buyers should
budget time and cash for some fiddling with unavoidable fuel and brake
hydraulic system maladies. The odometer shows 125-odd thousand miles,
from which the seats show the most wear. Luckily, what’s left of the
interior is proudly plaid and shouldn’t be too hard to re-stitch with
some lumberjack shirt fragments.

Considering
the fact that most BRATs have either transcended their rusty bodies or
the realm of sane pricing, this could be a reasonable bargain for
someone willing to take a little bit of a risk. And if you’re into jump
seats, a little risk sounds like your bag anyway.

See a cheaper way to get road rash? tips@dailyturismo.com

Matt, a self-proclaimed bottom-feeder of the classic car market, spends
half of his time buying cars, half of his time retrieving them, and the
remaining third on keeping them on the road.