4k: Sweaty Palms: 2005 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor

This image will haunt car enthusiasts for years to come, even though most police units have phased out the old Crown Victorias in favor of Impalas, Caprices, Chargers, Tauruses, and Tahoes. The iconic cop car still invokes cotton mouth and nausea today, but why let the 5-0 have all the fun? Bestowing panic attacks onto other motorists is fun the first time, until you realize that you’re in slow-moving traffic everywhere you drive. Thankfully, this one has been thoroughly decommissioned from service thanks to a new Billy Club Black paint job and the general lack of enforcement paraphernalia – weapons box, laptop tray, light bar, and so on. And it’s listed as a “steal.” Nice try, honeypot. Find this 2005 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor in Hollywod, FL for $3,990 with 16 days to go via eBay.

This thing is so fresh, you could pick donut crumbs off of the upholstery. The interior has the requisite plastic rear seat, post-mount spotlight, rubber-lined floor for easy cleanup… actually, looking through the interior pictures, I’m feeling uneasy. Digital dash gauges didn’t come until 2006, so we won’t know the total hours this Vic has spent idling through local parades protecting and serving.

The modular 4.6L SOHC 2-valver was good for around 250 horsepower, or not much when you count its nearly 2-ton heft. “For a car with a V8, it isn’t that fast” is what some car guys will say about these. It’s a shallow interpretation of the purpose of a V8, rear-drive, body-on-frame cruiser. If you’re after speed, these P71-packaged Crown Victorias certainly have the potential: an aluminum driveshaft, optional locking differential, heavy-duty suspension, a removed speed governor, and high compatibility to all things Mustang thanks to platform similarity. Or you could shove a V10 in there.

Other ex-squad cars have more charm. Others may be cheaper can go from 0-60 (or zero to impersonating an officer) quicker. This has everything you want from the Panther platform plus recent service in a relatively low-mile package. Leaving it parked on your driveway will also keep your house from getting egged. 

See a more terrifying tax-funded vehicle? Email us at tips@dailyturismo.com.

PhiLOL actually likes the tuna here, but abhors structural rust. Save the manuals.